Here at StickySticks Inc. we're hoping to fill your day with the products you love, for the people you love. Happy Thanksgiving from everyone here at StickySticks!

NEW!

Crab Silk Suits

Luxury at an affordable price! These suits are made from silk spun from our crabs through a special process we like to call "Silk Milking". No need to shell yourself short, buy our premium suits today! DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible for an increase in seagull proximity and seagull-related damages.

$10,000.00

Pod of Peablins

Meet your family's new perfect companion. Each pod of Peablins comes with three wily little rascals! Just make sure you follow the instructions!  Instructions: 1. Plant your peablins in our MagicDirt™ (included). 2. Water them with a mix of our special PeablinGrowthSerum™ . Make sure you measure your ratios, too much growth serum will cause your peablins to experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. 3. Don't play heavy metal near the growing pod, this will cause your peablins to experience what we like to call PeablinMania™ . 4. Make sure you keep your peablin pods in the sunlight, if they experience too much darkness during their growth, your peablins will experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. 5. When your peablins emerge from the pod make sure you give them lots of attention, love, and kisses. This is a requirement. Each peablin is different and will have different needs, please tend to these needs, or your peablin will experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. Signs of PeablinMania™: Won't stop screaming. Growth of razor-sharp teeth. Growth of new limbs and or the development of claws. Increased anger or acts of violence.  Do's and Don't's Do: Love and adore your little peablins! Don't: Let them near dirt. They will plant themselves and multiply at a rate unmanageable under the proper guidance required to raise healthy sane peablins. Do: Give your sweet peablins little scritchy scratches on the head! Don't: Get bit. DISCLAIMER: WE ARE NOT LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OR THE PEABLIN'S WELL-BEING AND OR DAMAGES CAUSED BY THE PEABLINS.

$200.00

Brainy Beans

Need to clear your mind before an important exam, interview, or conversation, then try our new Brainy Beans , the only candy bean that'll improve your cognitive skills! Made from real brain matter, these beans are packed full of natural neurons. Our brain matter is ethically sourced from within our facilities. 

$10.00

Clam Dentures

Lost your teeth? These new pearly whites might be the perfect fit for you! Shell out for these deluxe chompers made from the remains of Pet Clams™  are truly something to clammer about. You can't mollusk for more than  20 8 5 18 5 9 19 19 15 13 5 20 8 9 14 7 23 18 15 14 7 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 23 8 15 9 19 18 5 1 4 9 14 7 20 8 9 19 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 23 8 15 9 20 19 6 15 18 9 1 13 10 21 19 20 1 14 9 14 20 5 18 14 9 23 1 19 8 9 18 5 4 20 23 15 23 5 5 11 19 1 7 15 13 25 14 1 13 5 9 19 1 12 6 18 5 4 15 13 1 18 20 9 14 5 26 9 13 14 9 14 5 20 5 5 14 25 5 1 18 19 15 12 4 1 14 4 20 8 9 19 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 20 8 9 19 9 4 15 14 20 5 22 5 14 11 14 15 23 9 6 9 3 1 14 3 1 12 12 9 20 1 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 9 20 8 9 14 11 20 8 5 25 20 18 9 5 4 20 15 2 18 1 9 14 23 1 19 8 13 5 9 23 1 19 19 20 18 1 16 16 5 4 9 14 1 3 8 1 9 18 9 20 8 9 14 11 1 14 4 20 8 5 20 1 16 5 3 21 20 15 21 20 1 14 4 23 8 5 14 20 8 5 25 3 1 13 5 2 1 3 11 9 14 9 16 18 5 20 5 14 4 5 4 9 8 1 4 23 1 20 3 8 5 4 20 8 18 15 21 7 8 20 8 5 23 8 15 12 5 20 8 9 14 7 9 8 1 22 5 14 20 19 5 5 14 20 8 5 19 21 14 19 9 14 3 5 9 23 1 19 8 9 18 5 4 9 20 19 5 5 13 5 4 14 15 18 13 1 12 23 8 5 14 9 23 1 12 11 5 4 9 14 2 21 20 20 8 1 20 23 1 19 10 21 19 20 1 6 18 15 14 20 20 8 5 19 5 2 21 9 12 4 9 14 7 19 20 8 5 19 5 8 1 12 12 19 20 8 5 25 19 5 5 13 20 15 14 5 22 5 18 5 14 4 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 23 8 5 14 9 13 12 15 3 11 5 4 9 14 13 25 15 6 6 9 3 5 9 3 1 14 8 5 1 18 19 8 18 9 5 11 19 1 14 4 19 3 18 5 1 13 19 6 18 15 13 20 8 5 22 5 14 20 19 6 1 9 14 20 12 25 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 20 8 5 25 19 15 21 14 4 12 9 11 5 3 8 9 12 4 18 5 14 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 12 9 11 5 7 18 15 23 14 13 5 14 9 8 1 4 14 5 22 5 18 8 5 1 18 4 15 6 20 8 5 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 2 5 6 15 18 5 9 6 25 15 21 1 18 5 18 5 1 4 9 14 7 20 8 9 19 2 5 6 15 18 5 20 8 5 25 20 1 11 5 9 20 4 15 23 14 16 12 5 1 19 5 19 5 14 4 8 5 12 16 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 5 24 1 3 20 12 25 23 8 5 18 5 9 1 13 2 21 20 16 12 5 1 19 5 16 12 5 1 19 5 8 5 12 16

$500.00

Fish-Scale Razors

Are you tired of the same old horrible razors that feel like you're scraping your face with sandpaper? Nicking your skin so often it makes the sharks come around? Say goodbye to those prickly problems and dive into the ocean of smoothness with our fish-scale razors, leaving your holes and skulls smooth as a porpoise. We make our Razor Fish in-house and slaughter them inhumanely to insure raw toughness in every razor. Our razors come in different sizes, from sword-fish-scale-razor to anchovy-chopper.  WARNING: IN THE EVENT THAT THE RAZOR FISH IS STILL ALIVE UPON ARRIVAL, PLEASE CALL US IMMEDIATELY AT (209) 294-9226

$10.00

Frog Butlers

Only $200 a month to have your very own frog butler! Want your bed made? Want your tea prepared just how you like it? Well, unfortunately, these are frogs, they won't be able to do any of those things, but if they aren't the darn cutest things you've ever seen struggle with the existential realization that they are bred to serve but can't actually perform their primary objective with any competence what-so-ever. (NOTE: purchase some Existential Crisis spray if you are in need of a good shower cry!) Each butler comes equipped with a ribbotting stache, a can-do attitude, and a hop in their step. Great for fly infestations. A toadally worthwhile purchase for anyone in need of a little help around the house.

$200.00

Shelly's Slime

Buy a bottle of Shelly's Slime, the multipurpose goo that is sure to keep you from feeling sluggish. L'ess cargo to the benefits: Shelly's slime moisturizes skin, promotes collagen production, aids in skin healing and regeneration, and will keep you looking slick and shiny all day long.  Our slime is edible too, and our special snail mucus is the perfect dietary supplement for all those avoiding fast foods. Great as a sauce base and as a  refreshing beverage. It's about slime you started treating yourself right.

$5.00

Pea-Pop Soda

You can't beat the radical feeling of cracking open a cold pea-pop. Drinking a Pea-Pop soda feels like dunking a basketball while doing a backflip over a volcano all while orgasming! This cool refreshing drink is sure to give you the zest you need to pea the all-star you always dreamed you'd be. WARNING: MAY CONTAIN TRACE AND OR LARGE ELEMENTS OF COCAINE

$2.50

Snail Snacks

A delicious mint that easily slides on down with the help of our specially harvested signature snail mucus. Come on and escargot get yourself some today!

$6.50

Kandy Krab's

A delectable crustacean coated in a candy exterior. Once you make it through the sweet outer level, you get greeted with a savory, salty crab perfectly preserved in the candy coating. Lick, suck, or crunch, it's up to you!

$6.50

Secret Sauce

Our new secret sauce is sure to be a talking point at your next picnic. This sauce, while we aren't entirely sure what's in it, brings a certain zest and melting taste to whatever meal you desire! WARNING: DO NOT INGEST

$2.00

Giant Juicy Pea-Drop

Buy yourself a Giant Juicy Pea-Drop! This giant sentient candy is one of a kind! The unexpected byproduct of our vat of secret sauce, this slow-moving body-dissolving force of non-nature is sure to bring the spooky edge to this Halloween season as it inches closer to you! Armor Class 6 Hit Points 84 (8d10 + 40) Speed 15 ft. STR 14 (+2) DEX 3 (-4) CON 20 (+5) INT 1 (-5) WIS 6 (-2) CHA 1 (-5) Condition Immunities Blinded, Charmed, Deafened, Exhaustion, Frightened, Prone Senses Blindsight 60 ft. (blind beyond this radius), Passive Perception 8 Languages -- Challenge 2 (450 XP) Proficiency Bonus +2 Ooze Drop. The drop takes up its entire space. Other creatures can enter the space, but a creature that does so is subjected to the drop's Engulf and has disadvantage on the saving throw. Creatures inside the drop can be seen but have total cover. A creature within 5 feet of the drop can take an action to pull a creature or object out of the drop. Doing so requires a successful DC 12 Strength check, and the creature making the attempt takes 10 (3d6) acid damage. The drop can hold only one Large creature or up to four Medium or smaller creatures inside it at a time. Transparent . Even when the drop is in plain sight, it takes a successful DC 15 Wisdom (Perception) check to spot a drop that has neither moved nor attacked. A creature that tries to enter the drop's space while unaware of the drop is surprised by the drop. Actions Pseudopod . Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5 ft., one creature. Hit: 10 (3d6) acid damage. Engulf . The drop moves up to its speed. While doing so, it can enter Large or smaller creatures' spaces. Whenever the drop enters a creature's space, the creature must make a DC 12 Dexterity saving throw. On a successful save, the creature can choose to be pushed 5 feet back or to the side of the drop. A creature that chooses not to be pushed suffers the consequences of a failed saving throw. On a failed save, the drop enters the creature's space, and the creature takes 10 (3d6) acid damage and is engulfed. The engulfed creature can't breathe, is restrained, and takes 21 (6d6) acid damage at the start of each of the drop's turns. When the drop moves, the engulfed creature moves with it. An engulfed creature can try to escape by taking an action to make a DC 12 Strength check. On a success, the creature escapes and enters a space of its choice within 5 feet of the drop.

$100.00

Boba Pea

This lovely milk tea features some of our most popular products. Instead of that gross basic boba, our famous Old Fashioned Peas  take their place. But it doesn't stop there. Why use basic milk when here at StickySticks we have one of a kind crab milk ? That's right our boba pea is a mix of peas and crab milk, Does it get better? I think not. Pea you later.

$5.00

Peafume

Smells like peas to me! The rumors aren't true, this product has not been reported to make the inner nasal canal quote "shrivel up and fall off", I mean how can a canal fall off, that's ridiculous. We made sure these reports didn't reach the public because here at StickySticksINC, misinformation is our number one concern!

$25.00

Life Link

With Life Link, you can undergo a special neuro-procedure to remove all cognitive ability from your physical body and upload it into a computer! This process is virtually painless. Don't be a hero, be ones and zeroes! Upload your consciousness and always be around!

$50,000.00

New You Program

Tired of your life? Want a fresh start? With our New You legal technology, we can forge a completely new identity for you, including fake fingerprints, contacts, and even a home and address in a different state or country. Kiss your mother goodbye and live anew, with a New You.

$125,000.00

I.C.U.

Subscription $30/month With the internet care utility service we will monitor all your important vitals. Just enter all of your health information and we'll keep track of your health and global position in the case of an emergency! Most of the data you enter won't be sold so rest assured you can trust us with your medical records!

$30.00

Crab Cheese

Our crab cheese is made from our house-made signature crab milk and aged in our on-site in our deep underground sound-proof cellars.  Did you know crabs scream when they're milked? In our new and improved recipe, we've harvested every decibel of that piercing shrieked and funneled it straight into the fermentation chambers, so you can be sure every last essence of crab is put into your cheese!

$5.00

Crab Condoms

16 pack To keep your crustation from blasting barnacles in her oyster! Our condoms are made from the shell of soft shell crab. Now comes in special crab-denim, crab-leather, or crab-intestine-silicon with our signature crab flavor. Make your partner walk sideways after you show them what crab condoms can do.  WARNING: THIS PRODUCT IS 70% LESS EFFECTIVE THAN NORMAL CONDOMS AND SHOULD NOT BE WORN AS A SUBSTITUTE.

$24.00

Beef Curtains

Edible furniture is in! Impress your guests with your new beef curtains! Now the carpets can finally match the drapes. These pretty pink curtains add the perfect accent and smell to any room and window, and when you're done with them, you can throw them on the grill for a family eat-out. I'm not trying to be pushy, but don't be a wussy, and buy this window accessory!

$1,500.00

Love Meat

Buy our new Love Meat, a wonderful dildo-shaped steak. The only sex product on the market you can eat (fact check failed).  Buy whatever length, girth, cut, and cook you want, (raw not advised, but available). Marinated in our special performance-enhancing formula, this product will add some sizzle and spice to your sex life. If your relationships at steak , cut off the fat and hit the mat, we medium dare you.

$15.69

Crab Silk Suits

Luxury at an affordable price! These suits are made from silk spun from our crabs through a special process we like to call "Silk Milking". No need to shell yourself short, buy our premium suits today! DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible for an increase in seagull proximity and seagull-related damages.

$10,000.00

Pod of Peablins

Meet your family's new perfect companion. Each pod of Peablins comes with three wily little rascals! Just make sure you follow the instructions!  Instructions: 1. Plant your peablins in our MagicDirt™ (included). 2. Water them with a mix of our special PeablinGrowthSerum™ . Make sure you measure your ratios, too much growth serum will cause your peablins to experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. 3. Don't play heavy metal near the growing pod, this will cause your peablins to experience what we like to call PeablinMania™ . 4. Make sure you keep your peablin pods in the sunlight, if they experience too much darkness during their growth, your peablins will experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. 5. When your peablins emerge from the pod make sure you give them lots of attention, love, and kisses. This is a requirement. Each peablin is different and will have different needs, please tend to these needs, or your peablin will experience what we like to call PeablinMania™. Signs of PeablinMania™: Won't stop screaming. Growth of razor-sharp teeth. Growth of new limbs and or the development of claws. Increased anger or acts of violence.  Do's and Don't's Do: Love and adore your little peablins! Don't: Let them near dirt. They will plant themselves and multiply at a rate unmanageable under the proper guidance required to raise healthy sane peablins. Do: Give your sweet peablins little scritchy scratches on the head! Don't: Get bit. DISCLAIMER: WE ARE NOT LEGALLY RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR OR THE PEABLIN'S WELL-BEING AND OR DAMAGES CAUSED BY THE PEABLINS.

$200.00

Brainy Beans

Need to clear your mind before an important exam, interview, or conversation, then try our new Brainy Beans , the only candy bean that'll improve your cognitive skills! Made from real brain matter, these beans are packed full of natural neurons. Our brain matter is ethically sourced from within our facilities. 

$10.00

Clam Dentures

Lost your teeth? These new pearly whites might be the perfect fit for you! Shell out for these deluxe chompers made from the remains of Pet Clams™  are truly something to clammer about. You can't mollusk for more than  20 8 5 18 5 9 19 19 15 13 5 20 8 9 14 7 23 18 15 14 7 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 23 8 15 9 19 18 5 1 4 9 14 7 20 8 9 19 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 23 8 15 9 20 19 6 15 18 9 1 13 10 21 19 20 1 14 9 14 20 5 18 14 9 23 1 19 8 9 18 5 4 20 23 15 23 5 5 11 19 1 7 15 13 25 14 1 13 5 9 19 1 12 6 18 5 4 15 13 1 18 20 9 14 5 26 9 13 14 9 14 5 20 5 5 14 25 5 1 18 19 15 12 4 1 14 4 20 8 9 19 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 20 8 9 19 9 4 15 14 20 5 22 5 14 11 14 15 23 9 6 9 3 1 14 3 1 12 12 9 20 1 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 9 20 8 9 14 11 20 8 5 25 20 18 9 5 4 20 15 2 18 1 9 14 23 1 19 8 13 5 9 23 1 19 19 20 18 1 16 16 5 4 9 14 1 3 8 1 9 18 9 20 8 9 14 11 1 14 4 20 8 5 20 1 16 5 3 21 20 15 21 20 1 14 4 23 8 5 14 20 8 5 25 3 1 13 5 2 1 3 11 9 14 9 16 18 5 20 5 14 4 5 4 9 8 1 4 23 1 20 3 8 5 4 20 8 18 15 21 7 8 20 8 5 23 8 15 12 5 20 8 9 14 7 9 8 1 22 5 14 20 19 5 5 14 20 8 5 19 21 14 19 9 14 3 5 9 23 1 19 8 9 18 5 4 9 20 19 5 5 13 5 4 14 15 18 13 1 12 23 8 5 14 9 23 1 12 11 5 4 9 14 2 21 20 20 8 1 20 23 1 19 10 21 19 20 1 6 18 15 14 20 20 8 5 19 5 2 21 9 12 4 9 14 7 19 20 8 5 19 5 8 1 12 12 19 20 8 5 25 19 5 5 13 20 15 14 5 22 5 18 5 14 4 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 23 8 5 14 9 13 12 15 3 11 5 4 9 14 13 25 15 6 6 9 3 5 9 3 1 14 8 5 1 18 19 8 18 9 5 11 19 1 14 4 19 3 18 5 1 13 19 6 18 15 13 20 8 5 22 5 14 20 19 6 1 9 14 20 12 25 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 20 8 5 25 19 15 21 14 4 12 9 11 5 3 8 9 12 4 18 5 14 19 15 13 5 20 9 13 5 19 12 9 11 5 7 18 15 23 14 13 5 14 9 8 1 4 14 5 22 5 18 8 5 1 18 4 15 6 20 8 5 3 15 13 16 1 14 25 2 5 6 15 18 5 9 6 25 15 21 1 18 5 18 5 1 4 9 14 7 20 8 9 19 2 5 6 15 18 5 20 8 5 25 20 1 11 5 9 20 4 15 23 14 16 12 5 1 19 5 19 5 14 4 8 5 12 16 9 4 15 14 20 11 14 15 23 5 24 1 3 20 12 25 23 8 5 18 5 9 1 13 2 21 20 16 12 5 1 19 5 16 12 5 1 19 5 8 5 12 16

$500.00

Popular

Merch

Crab Products

Crab Cheese

Our crab cheese is made from our house-made signature crab milk and aged in our on-site in our deep underground sound-proof cellars.  Did you know crabs scream when they're milked? In our new and improved recipe, we've harvested every decibel of that piercing shrieked and funneled it straight into the fermentation chambers, so you can be sure every last essence of crab is put into your cheese!

$5.00

Crab Condoms

16 pack To keep your crustation from blasting barnacles in her oyster! Our condoms are made from the shell of soft shell crab. Now comes in special crab-denim, crab-leather, or crab-intestine-silicon with our signature crab flavor. Make your partner walk sideways after you show them what crab condoms can do.  WARNING: THIS PRODUCT IS 70% LESS EFFECTIVE THAN NORMAL CONDOMS AND SHOULD NOT BE WORN AS A SUBSTITUTE.

$24.00

Kandy Krab's

A delectable crustacean coated in a candy exterior. Once you make it through the sweet outer level, you get greeted with a savory, salty crab perfectly preserved in the candy coating. Lick, suck, or crunch, it's up to you!

$6.50

Crab Silk Suits

Luxury at an affordable price! These suits are made from silk spun from our crabs through a special process we like to call "Silk Milking". No need to shell yourself short, buy our premium suits today! DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible for an increase in seagull proximity and seagull-related damages.

$10,000.00

Crab Milk

All crab milk comes from 100% free-range organic crab fed crab. Our Crab milking process is state of the art and completely harmless for the crabs.

$9.00

CrabGurt

All Crab Yogurts are made from our fresh crab milk to ensure maximum crabby taste! Buy in six-packs for our new reduced price!

$16.00

Crab Cheese

Our crab cheese is made from our house-made signature crab milk and aged in our on-site in our deep underground sound-proof cellars.  Did you know crabs scream when they're milked? In our new and improved recipe, we've harvested every decibel of that piercing shrieked and funneled it straight into the fermentation chambers, so you can be sure every last essence of crab is put into your cheese!

$5.00

Crab Condoms

16 pack To keep your crustation from blasting barnacles in her oyster! Our condoms are made from the shell of soft shell crab. Now comes in special crab-denim, crab-leather, or crab-intestine-silicon with our signature crab flavor. Make your partner walk sideways after you show them what crab condoms can do.  WARNING: THIS PRODUCT IS 70% LESS EFFECTIVE THAN NORMAL CONDOMS AND SHOULD NOT BE WORN AS A SUBSTITUTE.

$24.00

Kandy Krab's

A delectable crustacean coated in a candy exterior. Once you make it through the sweet outer level, you get greeted with a savory, salty crab perfectly preserved in the candy coating. Lick, suck, or crunch, it's up to you!

$6.50

Crab Silk Suits

Luxury at an affordable price! These suits are made from silk spun from our crabs through a special process we like to call "Silk Milking". No need to shell yourself short, buy our premium suits today! DISCLAIMER: We are not responsible for an increase in seagull proximity and seagull-related damages.

$10,000.00

Pea Products

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